Lumpectomy or Mastectomy and Reconstruction

When I went to see my surgeon to discuss the results of the MRI, she told me that since the cancer appeared to be contained in one mass, I was a candidate for a lumpectomy.  She gave me a pretty good description of my options - lumpectomy with radiation and chemotherapy, mastectomy and sentinel lymph node testing on the left side, with or without reconstruction, or mastectomy on both sides, with or without reconstruction, but all of my options also included chemotherapy.  I didn't know that you could have reconstruction begun at the same time as the mastectomy.  She encouraged me to make an appointment to see a plastic surgeon and consider having reconstruction when I had my surgery.  

I felt anxious after I talked to her.  It was a hard decision to make.  I was very grateful for my husband's support and assurance that he wanted me to make the choice I felt most comfortable with.  He was very reassuring.  I had heard many stories of lumpectomies leaving cancer cells behind, or having cancer develop again in breast tissue left behind, so the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to just remove both breasts.  I wanted to just have one surgery and get it over with.  But what about reconstruction?  One friend told me about a family of sisters who all had breast reconstruction just for fun, except for one sister, who had breast cancer and was able to get perfect fake breasts and a tummy tuck for good measure for free! Her sisters were so jealous.  

I finally decided that I really didn't want to have reconstruction.  Not at all.  I didn't like the idea of moving some of my body fat into another place.  Or having implants.  The whole idea of it repulsed me.  And it would add to the pain and recovery time.  I just couldn't stand the thought of it!  Also, I think our society's obsession with youth and beauty is so strange and unhealthy.  Once I decided that I did not want reconstruction I felt so free!  I was almost giddy.  It is a wonderful feeling to have a hard choice to make, and then to feel so good about your choice.  I don't know if I will wear breast forms.  Maybe with certain outfits.  But I will go for the flat look sometimes, too.  I will have to have better posture and get my core in shape so I don't look concave.  

MRI

It took more than a week for the engorgement to subside when I weaned my baby to prepare for the MRI and for surgery.  It was a painful week.  I am so glad my sister was able to come out and visit and help out.  She made things so fun for the kids, and took my mind off the pain.  I drank a lot of peppermint tea.  I was busy making sets for the Seussical play my kids were in.  For the sets, I went to the movie theater and asked if they had any movie displays they were getting rid of.  They gave me three big cardboard sets that were more than 8 feet tall and very sturdy.  They were perfect for painting over with Seuss like jungle and whoville scenes.  I was very satisfied with the result.

I was still rather engorged when I went to have my MRI.  I scheduled the MRI for 5 pm, which worked out really well.  It was nice to be there at the end of the day when the parking lot was almost empty and the place was quieter.  My husband came to meet me there after work.  I was already in the MRI when he got there.  When you are getting an MRI of your breast, they have you lay face down on a special table that has holes in it to let your breasts hang down through the holes.  The nurse told me how to arrange myself, then he left so I could have some privacy getting situated.  I think there was a one way window right in front of me, but at least I could feel like I had some privacy.  Sort of.  I think lying face down for an MRI is the way to go if you have the option.  I don't think it feels as claustrophobic that way. But they need better cushioning for the chest area.  It hurt a little after awhile and it was hard to stay still.  I didn't expect any noise - maybe a quiet humming or something, but goodness, that machine is loud!  The technician or nurse gave me the choice of earplugs or headphones with the radio station of my choice.  I usually listen to NPR when I am driving, so I chose that.  It ended up being a funny choice.  The combination of all the clanging and beeping of the machine, and the dire political news was hair raising.  I felt like a cat getting out of the drier when I was done.  It was so wonderful to have my husband there waiting for me when I was done.  I hadn't really expected him to come.  He took me out for a bowl of albondigas soup from Tio Leo's.  It was the perfect thing.

The Cancer War: The First Battle

I just turned 40.  I have 5 kids.  The youngest just turned 1.  I usually have breastfed my babies 15 or so months, but I was diagnosed with cancer last week, so I am weaning my baby to prepare for treatment. It is 5:30 in the morning, and this night went better for the baby than last night.  He is used to nursing at night.  He was ok until 4am, then he was upset about it all, and my sweet husband took him for a walk.  I am so engorged right now that it is hard to hug and cuddle with my children. PAIN!  I hope the swelling goes down soon.  I was looking for some advice for people who have to stop breastfeeding suddenly, and I came across this:

"Abrupt weaning, or ceasing all breastfeedings immediately and at once, is difficult on both the mother and the baby, but sometimes is necessary in cases of serious health issues like cancer. There is great physical discomfort and the mother could end up with a breast infection such as mastitis because her body will not have time to adjust to the fact that she is not removing milk. In addition, the mother's hormones will be shocked. Prolactin, the hormone that is released during breastfeeding, gives the mother feelings of euphoria. When she stops breastfeeding abruptly, the prolactin levels drop dramatically and she may feel depressed. Aside from the issues the mother may have, the baby could potentially have emotional trauma. The mother should take care to give the baby extra affection during this time."

I will have to guard against the effect of prolactin levels dropping.  I want to stay positive and cheerful for my kids.  We told them about what is going on.  I feel very positive and hopeful about fighting cancer.  I know it will be hard, but I have such wonderful reasons to fight, and such a wonderful circle of family and friends to support me.

It will be a busy day today.  I am helping make sets for a play two of my kids are in - Seussical.  They are really excited about it.  There is a lot of work to do.  I am trying to decide how to draw Whoville.